Barn Owner Installs 'Passive-Aggressive Note Generator' in Tack Room

After years of leaving carefully worded notes that were studiously ignored, Sarah “Saz” Mitchell (UK), long-suffering livery yard owner, has finally cracked. In a desperate bid to maintain order in the chaos of her yard, she has installed an AI-powered Passive-Aggressive Note Generator in the tack room.

"If they won’t listen to me, maybe they’ll listen to a laminated sign with an exasperated tone," Saz muttered, watching the machine whirr to life.

Customizable Snark for Every Situation

The system, cleverly programmed with every infuriating livery offense imaginable, now produces instant, pre-formatted polite but seething notes at the push of a button.

• For the rider who “forgets” to pick up manure in the arena: “The Poo Fairy is officially on strike. Please remove your horse’s generous contribution before we all start competing in dressage tests of avoidance.”

• For the one who never pays on time: “Board is due on the 1st, not ‘whenever Mercury is in retrograde.’ Horses cannot live on your good vibes alone.”

• For the person who leaves empty feed bags everywhere: “If you can lift a 20kg bag to pour it out, you can lift the empty one to the bin. It’s not heavy. It’s just disappointment.”

• For the hay thief: “The number of bales in the barn is a known quantity. The number in your stable is also a known quantity. They should match. Funny how they don’t.”

  
  

Immediate Reactions From the Yard

Reactions among liveries were mixed.

Kate Robinson, world-weary happy hacker, was the first to test the system and immediately approved. “Finally, someone’s saying what we’re all thinking.” She promptly printed a sign for the tack room fridge:

"Yes, your horse is special. No, they don’t need 17 supplements. Please stop cluttering the fridge with mystery syringes and unidentified yogurt tubs."

Emily Carter, pony-mad teenager, was less amused after receiving a sign that read:

"No, you cannot ‘just borrow’ a full set of brushing boots because you forgot yours. This is a livery yard, not a tack shop."

"It’s so unfair!" she huffed, dramatically storming off to rant to her Connemara pony, Biscuit, who—according to him—was also a victim of injustice, since he wasn’t allowed extra carrots.

The Final Straw

The biggest complaint came from Bridie McKenna, mum of pony mad Bella, who was scandalized when she spotted a freshly printed note:

"Dear Riding School Clients, the ponies are saints, but they do not exist purely to entertain your child. If little Bella insists on smacking Twinkle with a crop again, she will be asked to leave, and Twinkle will receive extra polos as compensation."

"You can’t just say that!" Bridie gasped.

"But it’s true," Saz replied, rubbing her temples.

Meanwhile, Luna Skye, barefoot and bitless advocate, was scandalized to find a sign addressed specifically to her.

"Luna, your horse does NOT need to ‘free-roam’ in the car park. He is not a wild spirit, he is a liability. Please remove him before someone mistakes him for an abandoned rescue."

"This is oppressive!" Luna wailed.

A Surprising Supporter

Unexpectedly, Alejandro ‘Alex’ Ferreira (BRA), President of the Global Equestrian Federation, was highly impressed.

"Finally, a real solution for barn management," he mused. “I should install this at GEF headquarters. The Olympic committee would function so much better if we just let the AI handle complaints.”

Saz, looking dangerously hopeful, immediately Googled ‘how to ship a Passive-Aggressive Note Generator to Switzerland.’

The equestrian world may never be the same again.