French Endurance Riders Traumatised by GEF's New Vaccination Rule – “We Have No Internet, You Imbeciles!”

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French endurance riders are in crisis following the Global Equestrian Federation’s (GEF) latest ground-breaking (read: completely detached from reality) rule change: all horse vaccinations must now be logged immediately into the GEF’s fancy new mobile app—by the vet.

The issue? Most endurance barns are in the middle of nowhere, with less phone signal than a medieval monastery.

Raphaël Dubois (FRA), young endurance hopeful, sums it up best: "I live three hours from the nearest city, the WiFi at home only works if the wind is blowing the right way, and I sometimes have to stand on top of my truck to send a text. But sure, let’s make everything digital."

The rule also requires non-GEF vets to complete an online training course before they can input vaccinations into the system. Unfortunately, rural vets are not thrilled about squeezing a pointless bureaucracy exercise into their already packed schedules.

"I’m lucky if my vet has time to answer the phone, let alone do a bloody online quiz," Raphaël sighs. “The last time he came out, he did my horse’s teeth, stitched up a goat, and delivered a calf—all before breakfast. Now GEF expects him to take a training module on how to type ‘flu vaccine’ into an app?”

Meanwhile, Over in Show-jumping Land…

While the endurance community spirals into a technology-induced existential crisis, top-ten showjumper Maximilian "Max" Schneider (GER) is completely unfazed.

"What’s the problem?" Max shrugs, adjusting his perfectly tailored white breeches. “My vet inputs everything right away. We have 5G everywhere. Even the stable cats have WiFi.”

Unlike his endurance counterparts, Max’s horses never need to step outside. His ultra-modern, climate-controlled barn is conveniently located twenty minutes from an international airport, ensuring his horses experience exactly the same footing, lighting, and air temperature at all times.

"Nature is overrated," Max adds, while his groom meticulously polishes the brass fittings on his horse’s stall. “Why would I ride outside? The sun is unpredictable, and birds exist.”

GEF’s Response? Predictably Unhelpful.

In response to the backlash, the GEF issued a helpful (infuriating) statement: "We understand concerns about connectivity in rural areas. However, we believe that modern equestrian sport must embrace digital transformation. Riders in remote locations are encouraged to find creative solutions."

Translation: Not our problem. Figure it out.

When asked if they were aware that entire regions of rural France have no phone signal, a spokesperson simply replied: "Have they tried moving closer to a Starbucks?"

The Future of Endurance?

As endurance riders scramble to find workarounds (or develop telepathic abilities to send vaccine records directly to GEF headquarters), the community is left asking one important question:

"If the rule makers have never seen an endurance barn, do they even know we exist?"

Meanwhile, Max Schneider has already forgotten the whole debate. His new showjumper just arrived from Belgium, and, as usual, all the paperwork was done before the horse even touched the ground.