GEF Unveils Ground-breaking Plan: Dressage Horses to Experience Unprecedented Levels of Happiness Introducing the "Let’s Pretend the Horses Love It" Initiative

Tilly Stirrup - TCP
Apr 5
2 min read

In a move that has left the equestrian world both bemused and bewildered, the Global Equestrian Federation (GEF) has announced its latest masterstroke: the “Let’s Pretend the Horses Love It” Initiative. This ambitious program promises to revolutionize dressage by ensuring that horses appear happier than ever—whether they like it or not.

A Visionary Vision

According to the GEF, the plan's primary objective is to develop the horse as a "happy athlete" in a positive mental and physical state. Because, as we all know, nothing screams "happiness" like being compelled into precise, repetitive movements under the watchful eyes of stern judges and even sterner riders.

The Dream Team

To bring this utopia to life, the GEF has assembled a veritable Avengers of the dressage world. Chaired by Sir Reginald Fairbanks (a man whose greatest achievement is owning a large collection of tailcoats), the team includes:

Helga Müller (GER): A dressage powerhouse who firmly believes that a horse is happiest when moving like an expensive sewing machine.
Pierre LeClerc (FRA): A judge who insists his decisions are based on technical excellence and not the rider’s last name.
Samantha Carmichael-Smythe (GBR): A trainer famous for her soft approach (as long as you don’t look too closely at the warm-up).
Jörg van Hoffenstein (NED): A rider who insists that horses "love their job" but also loves a good set of draw reins.
Dr. Ingrid von Weisenbach (SUI): A veterinarian who has perfected the art of pretending not to see anything concerning.

Tackling the Tough Issues

The plan doesn’t shy away from the hard-hitting topics. Among its seven focus areas are:

Training, Riding, Tack & Equipment: Because nothing says "ethical training" like the judicious use of spurs and double bridles.
Recognizing Physical & Emotional Stress: Finally, an acknowledgment that horses might not be thrilled with their lot. Ground breaking.
Accountability, Enforcement & Knowledge: Ensuring that when things go awry, someone, somewhere, might be held accountable. Maybe.
The Other 23 Hours: Addressing what horses do when they’re not the center of attention. Spoiler: it involves a lot of standing around.
Competitive Drive/Horse as a Number/Object: A gentle reminder that horses are more than just numbers. They’re also revenue generators.
Not Fit to Compete/Masking Health Problems: Because pushing a lame horse into the arena is frowned upon. Who knew?
Other Actions: A catch-all for everything else, like perhaps considering the horse’s opinion.

Timeline to Utopia

The roadmap to equine euphoria is meticulously planned:

March 2025: Rule revision proposals, likely suggesting that water is wet.
April 2025: Sports Forum to debate the merits of stating the obvious.
November 2025: Another General Assembly, because one can never have too many meetings.
March 2026: Full rule revision proposals, possibly including revolutionary ideas like “be nice to horses.”
2027: Implementation of these earth-shattering changes.

In Conclusion

While the GEF’s “Let’s Pretend the Horses Love It” Initiative is undoubtedly a step towards acknowledging that horses might have feelings, one can’t help but wonder: will this initiative truly revolutionize the sport, or is it merely a well-dressed horse trotting in place? Only time will tell, but for now, let’s all bask in the warm glow of bureaucratic optimism.