Exclusive Interview: A Green Blade of Grass at the Equestrian World Championships Looks Out at the Parched Rest of the World
- 8 minutes ago
- 2 min read
While this year's heatwave breaks records, much of the area outside the tournament zone is bone dry, and yellow meadows dominate, we made our way to arguably the wettest spot on the tournament grounds: right in the middle of the lush, luxury cross-country course of a major equestrian event. Here we met Herbert (6 months old), a blade of grass who, despite the heat apocalypse all around him, is in the pink of health and glowing in a rich shade of green.
Mr. Herbert - pardon me, Blade Herbert. Congratulations are in order! While the entire vegetation within a 50-kilometer radius has turned into a dry and giant haystack, you are glowing in a rich, almost radioactive green. How do you pull that off?
Blade of Grass Herbert: (stretching luxuriously in the 36-degree shade) Oh, you know, it’s simply a matter of good taste—and the right connections. I decided early on to pursue a career on this exclusive turf. We get exclusive water here. We’re practically the celebrities of the plant world.
But aren't you hot? There’s a high risk of forest fires all around you, and the meadows outside are so brown they crunch. Do you feel nothing of the drought?
Blade of Grass Herbert: Drought? Never heard of it. It’s a bit like watching television—you know it’s happening out there, but it doesn't affect you personally. I practically have an all-inclusive subscription at the local "Wellness Center for Equine Welfare." We’re supplied with fresh, cool water here. It’s like a wellness vacation with a water flat-rate in the middle of a drought zone. Just like a beautiful oasis. Simply wonderful.
You seem strangely unfazed by the water restrictions, the ongoing drought, and the wildfires, Mr. Herbert. Don't you worry about the poor neighbor blades outside the fence? They look pretty beat up.
Blade of Grass Herbert: (shrugs his chloroplasts) Well, they just didn’t try hard enough to end up on the right lawn. That’s evolution in equestrian mode: Survival of the Greenest.
And let’s be honest: Who wants to wither? We here are the avant-garde of aesthetic landscaping. As long as the ground isn't rock hard, the horses' hooves land softly, and the photographs and television broadcasts look good, everything is in the green zone. Literally!
Mr. Herbert, we thank you for this refreshing conversation. And we hope you survive the eventing test unscathed.
Blade of Grass Herbert: Thanks. And don't worry: Even if a hoof comes down—the water cushions the blow! Now, I’m off to enjoy my daily shower, bye!
Source: Taz Article, 12.8.2026
Comments