Heatwave: The Crispy Horse Shows

​It’s the news currently causing more sweat among equestrian fans than the thermometer itself: While temperatures on the showground are hitting the 40°C mark and the first horseshoes are threatening to melt, the organizers remain remarkably calm.

“We have experience with heat. We do everything to ensure our horses can compete in the heat - with fans, water mist etc,” they claim from the comfort of their air-conditioned VIP lounges.

But beneath the surface, something is brewing—or rather, roasting.

​“Horses are desert animals, after all”

Even in record-breaking heat, the organizing committee sticks to its tried-and-true strategy: the so-called “Sous-Vide Protocol.” Instead of calling off the event in hazardous temperatures, they rely on state-of-the-art cooling technology - at least on paper.

​A spokesperson explained, while casually sipping a cold drink in the shade of a massive parasol:

“The horses actually enjoy the warmth. It’s essentially natural muscle conditioning. The heat helps the tendons loosen up on their own. Well, sometimes the tendons melt a bit too much, like fondue cheese, but never mind. If a horse delivers a brilliant performance, it’s not because of the heat; it’s because it has reached the perfect internal temperature. Medium-rare or thoroughly well-done. Sometimes, a nice crust forms because it’s just that hot.”

​Criticism? Just a misunderstanding!

​When animal welfare activists label the tournament a “mass-barbecue event,” the organization team responds with a weary smile. After all, they’ve ensured “plenty of drinking water” - mostly for the guests in the VIP hospitality area, who toast to the athletes with chilled champagne.

​“We have everything under control,” a official insists. “Anyone claiming the animals are on the verge of ‘cooking’ clearly doesn’t understand modern performance physics. It’s not a ‘roasted horse’; it’s a ‘grilled performance’.”

​The new trend: “Crispy Horse Shows”

​In insider circles, there is already talk of a new naming convention for the sport: Crispy Dressage, Crispy Show Jumping, Crispy Endurance. The idea: Why cool the horses down unnecessarily after their round when you can maximize the show effect? The audience seems thrilled.

It’s just a completely different experience when you can see the heat shimmering from the front row,” says one enthusiastic spectator, currently suffering from heatstroke. “It’s so hot, I’m sure you could melt herb butter on a horse out there!

​Critics accuse the federations of “roasting” nothing but the credibility of the equestrian sport itself. But that seems to be a secondary concern. The event director sits back and relaxes, enjoying a steak.