Horse Show Report: "Rotisserie Riding" – When the Competition Arena Becomes a Grill

​By our culinary correspondent

There are days when the horse show arenas are no place for athletic excellence, but rather a large-scale deep-fryer for living beings. This weekend's horse shows will likely go down in history as the “Event of the Crispy horses, spectators and riders.” Anyone who left the VIP area last weekend and ventured onto the spectator stands didn’t need a ticket, but rather a meat thermometer and a generous portion of barbecue sauce.

​Like a Chicken on a Spit

The atmosphere on the grounds was uncomfortably reminiscent of the interior of a professional rotisserie oven. The sun beat down on the sand with such intensity that the air began to shimmer - just like the fat dripping down the walls of a barbecue grill. Riders and horses went through their paces, turning evenly so that every side would get a decent amount of color.

​“It’s all about the timing,” explained a visibly dehydrated show announcer, while trying not to touch the microphone stand, which had already reached the operating temperature of a stovetop. “If you let the horse rotate quickly enough, you achieve that beautifully golden-brown crust. This is performance sun bathing at the highest level.”

​“Crispy, but Heartfelt”

The audience in the stands was, as one spectator aptly put it, “well-done.” You didn’t sit; you melted. Clothing clung to the body like marinade on a rotisserie chicken, and with every slight breeze, you felt your skin tighten - “for that necessary crunch,” as a lifestyle blogger in the front row proudly posted on Instagram.

​The Verdict: A Feast for Gourmets

While ice cubes the size of icebergs rattled in champagne buckets in the air-conditioned VIP lounge, the athletes on the sand arena and the “poorer” spectators in the stands found themselves in a state that a health inspector would likely cite immediately.

​The show didn’t end with an award ceremony, but with a culinary evaluation. The judges didn’t hand out marks for the gallop, but for the doneness of the horses and participants. Gold went to the rider with the best char.

​As the sun finally disappeared behind the trees in the late afternoon, only the scent of hot sand and grilled ambition remained. Or was it just the smell of sunburn? It’s hard to tell. One thing is certain: hopefully, the next tournament will take place in moderate temperatures - or at least provide a barbecue party for everyone involved.