Horse Sues Owner Over Insta Photos

"I didn’t agree to that filter," says plaintiff.

In an unprecedented legal move shaking the foundations of the equestrian world, a 10-year-old Hanoverian gelding, known publicly as Sir Whinny, has officially filed a lawsuit against his owner for unauthorized use of his likeness in a series of "embarrassingly staged and deeply cringe" Instagram posts.

The lawsuit, filed in the Court of Stable Justice, alleges that the horse’s image was exploited without proper consent — including the use of tacky filters, motivational quotes, and, in one extreme case, a flower crown sticker.

"I have spent years building a professional image of a powerful, athletic, slightly moody gelding," the horse’s legal statement reads. "That was all undone in seconds by a sepia-toned ‘Live, Laugh, Ride’ post, paired with a caption that implied I willingly cuddle after rides. I don’t cuddle. I demand treats."

The owner, who goes by @EqUeStRiaNQueeeeny973 on Instagram, has defended her actions, claiming "it’s normal to post about your horse like it’s your therapist-slash-boyfriend-slash-life coach."

She was last seen posting a teary-eyed Story captioned: "Feeling so betrayed rn. #horsebestfriendgoals shattered."

Legal experts suggest the case could spark a wave of similar lawsuits, as horses around the globe reportedly line up to demand compensation for years of "being photographed without prior consultation, especially during unflattering mid-chew moments, while yawning, while bucking around on the pasture or while simply relaxing on the field."

When reached for comment, Sir Snorts-a-Lot declined to pose for a photo, reportedly stating:

"I don’t do free press shots. I’m not some pasture clown."

Sources close to the gelding confirm he’s now seeking to trademark his own face, and has hired a personal brand manager to filter future human interactions through a strict contract:

— No selfies in between 10AM and 5PM.

— No captions containing the words soulmate, partner (in crime) or blessed.

— Immediate legal action if presented in front of a motivational quote in Comic Sans.

Meanwhile, the owner has doubled down on her defense, launching a merch line of T-shirts reading:

"My horse loves me (lawsuit pending)"

Industry insiders predict the case will drag on longer than her last dressage test, which — much like her captions — was marked "overly ambitious, lacking in rhythm, and wildly disconnected from reality."

At press time, Sir Whinny was seen casually grazing, reportedly unconcerned, adding only:

"When this is over, I’ll be the only one in this barn with a verified blue check."