🐴 “I Paused for One Leaf and Now I’m a Criminal” – A Horse’s Tale of Time Penalty Injustice

By Sir Reginald of Haynetown, full-time event horse, part-time philosopher

Look, I didn’t ask to be an eventer. I was perfectly happy eating my hay in peace until someone with too much ambition and a cross-country schooling voucher decided I was “talented.”

Flash forward to Saturday. I’m halfway round the course, absolutely flying. Fence 13? Crushed it. Fence 14a? A work of art. Fence 14b? Well… that’s when it happened.

A leaf. Not just any leaf. A suspicious, wobbly, might-be-a-bird-in-disguise leaf. It rustled. It twitched. It could’ve been a drone. I had to assess the situation.

What do I get in return for this moment of military-grade threat assessment?

TWO SECONDS. Two. Whole. Seconds. My human went full Shakespeare in the collecting ring—“Woe betide the stopwatch!”—and then marched into the Stewards’ Tent like he was storming the Bastille.

Meanwhile, I’m over here trying to explain that I saved our lives, and he’s worried about his placing. Unbelievable.

A Few Points from the Defence:

• The hesitation was tactical.

• The stopwatch should be calibrated for bravery, not bureaucracy.

• The leaf was definitely up to something.

• No one talks about the emotional toll of being judged for thinking.
  

Commentary from the Herd:

• Biscuit the Pony (via Emily Carter): “If it had been me, I’d have stopped, reversed, and snorted at it for five minutes. He’s a hero, not a criminal.”

• Felicity Lloyd-Knight's gelding: “Two seconds? I once got 12 for sidestepping a pigeon. Welcome to the club.”

• Kate Robinson’s cob, Trevor: “Honestly mate, next time, pretend to trip. Sympathy points every time.”
  

Final Whinny: The next time a horse pauses on course, maybe ask yourself: Was it fear? Was it tactical? Or was it just a leaf plotting world domination? Either way, we deserve higher quality carrots. And possibly therapy.