"Of Course They Love It!" Says Dressage Diva as Horse’s Eyes Scream Otherwise

By Tilly Stirrup

Elite dressage rider Helga Müller (AUT) has a simple message for the world: “Our horses love to perform.” And if anyone dares suggest otherwise? Well, they simply don’t understand the bond between horse and rider.

“Yes, there was that one time my horse’s tongue turned an attractive shade of Smurf blue, but that was his fault for chewing the bit wrong,” Müller scoffed, rolling her eyes at the “so-called welfare experts” who had the audacity to question her training methods. “And don’t even get me started on Rollkur. That’s just yoga for horses. Everyone’s so obsessed with their wellbeing these days.”

From Field to Arena to Therapy Session

Dressage horses, according to Müller, wake up every day thrilled to start their rigorous training. Who wouldn’t want to swap a relaxing day in the field for piaffes, pirouettes, and perfectly executed submission? Never mind the tight nosebands, the spurs, or the ever-popular hyperflexion technique—these are just minor inconveniences on the road to greatness.

And let’s not forget transportation—an integral part of the modern equine athlete’s “dream life.” Müller’s horses are delighted to stand for 12 hours in a vibrating metal box, weaving between traffic on the way to yet another showground. "They just love the journey," she said. “The roaring of trucks, the sudden braking, the lack of space to stretch—it’s all part of the experience!”

Upon arrival, these lucky creatures are treated to a restful night in a noisy tent stable, surrounded by generators, loudspeakers, and the occasional overnight construction work. Sleep deprivation? Nonsense! If horses didn’t enjoy standing alert all night, why do they have four legs?

Performance or Punishment?

Müller remains baffled by critics who claim her horses look tense or distressed during performances. “Ears pinned? Tail swishing? Pfft. That’s just focus.” she huffed. “And the sweating? That’s dedication!”

Meanwhile, Margaret "Maggie" O’Connor (GBR), the horse rescue crusader, has a different take. “It’s not a partnership, it’s a hostage situation,” she said bluntly. “We’ve got horses being bent in half, overworked, and pushed to their absolute limit—yet we’re supposed to believe they love it? Please.”

But Müller isn’t phased. “The critics don’t understand. My horses smile after every performance,” she insisted. “At least, that’s what I tell myself when I ignore their stress signals.”

And with that, she strode off to lovingly tighten her horse’s noseband another notch whilst she still can, the noseband rule isn't starting until May.