The "Reverse Paparazzo": When Equestrian Warm Up Arenas Turn Into a Spy Thriller

By our correspondent for (in)voluntary photography

Anyone visiting the warm-up ring at an international tournament these days should think about more than just rein aids and rhythm errors. What you really need is high-level tactical training in counter-surveillance. Welcome to the new "Cold War" of dressage, where the most essential piece of equipment is no longer the whip, but the smartphone.

"I just want to take a photo"

A recent incident at an international show has taken the genre of "warm-up espionage" to a whole new level. When a well-known trainer suddenly whipped out his phone and turned the camera back on a critical observer, the moment was as delicious as it was surreal.

The scene looked like something out of a B-movie spy thriller: an observer films the warm-up, the trainer films the observer, while in the background, show officials desperately try to ban filming - while filming the trainer who filmed the trainer filming spectator who filmed the stewards while they film the spectator filming trainer and the trainer filming the spectator- everything naturally under the watchful eyes of three other cameras filming the officials doing the banning. While other spectators film the people who are filming and photographing each other. Meanwhile, the accredited press photographers, who try to capture the "beauty" of a piaffe, are staring through their 600mm lenses in utter confusion, unsure whether they should document the horse's "rhythm" or the tactical positioning of the trainer’s iPhone 50 Pro or the hundreds of phones of the spectators filming the warm up arena. Not to forget the journalists, who have stopped taking notes on the warm up arena and are now busy live-blogging the filming battle, while being filmed by the official broadcast cameras, which are desperately filming everything except the filming battle itself. 

The trainer’s calm explanation that he "just wanted to take a photo" was the theatrical masterpiece of the day. Of course, we believe this instantly. Such a photo is just a nice vacation souvenir for the family album: "Look, honey, that's me trying to photograph someone who's trying to film me trying to avoid being filmed."

The "Warm-up Paranoia Index"

The warm-up ring has long ceased to be a training ground; it is now a high-tech surveillance zone. We suggest introducing the "Paranoia Index" for the upcoming season:

• Level 1 (Green): Everything is normal. The horses are sweating, the riders are sweating, the stewards are drinking coffee.

• Level 2 (Yellow): Phones are out. Trainers demonstratively grab their walkie-talkies to look like they’re giving vital tactical instructions.

• Level 3 (Orange): Mutual photography and filming. The "I-photograph-you-photographing-me" phase. No one is riding anymore; everyone is just composing shots and videos.

• Level 4 (Red): An official attempts to confiscate a camera while being filmed by a drone team hiding in the bushes.

  
  

The Bottom Line for the Horses

The saddest part of this "spy theater" is a simple fact: the horses are the only ones not playing along. While humans stalk each other, upgrade their tech, and get tangled in smartphone chases, the animals just stand there and wait.

Perhaps we should shift our focus. If riders are putting this much energy into camera angles in the warm-up arenas, they could use that expertise to film their own riding.

Our tip for the next tournament: Don’t bring carrots. Bring a power bank and a tripod. The sport no longer takes place in the arena; it happens in the cloud.