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🥵 Beat the Heat—But Keep the Show On, Obviously!
The Global Equestrian Federation (GEF) has launched a bold new initiative to combat the sweltering conditions affecting riders, horses, and anyone foolish enough to wear white breeches in August: it’s called “Beat the Heat”, and it’s exactly what you think it is—well-meaning advice instead of rescheduling shows.
3 min read


The Great Foaming Scandal: Dressage’s Dirty Little Secret (Now Banned by Emergency Decree)
In what can only be described as the lowest high-performance moment in equestrian sport since rollkur met Instagram, the Global Equestrian Federation (GEF) has issued an emergency rule banning the use of fake foam in horses’ mouths.
3 min read


Pirouettes of the Soul: "Inner Canter" Cult Grips Dressage World
What began as a whisper of spiritual enlightenment in the dressage arena has now blossomed into a full-blown metaphysical movement....
3 min read


HoloDressage: The End of Traditional Dressage?
By 2040, all dressage tests will be performed by holograms of riders with their horses, the Global Equestrian Federation (GEF) has...
1 min read


New ‘Emotional Support Formula’ Launched for Riders Who Can’t Stop Buying Pointless Supplements
(London, UK) — In a ground-breaking move for both horse welfare and rider financial ruin, leading equine supplement companies have...
3 min read


🥕 “Bits Work Because They Hurt”: A Whinny of Discontent from the Dressage Arena
In a recent presentation to the GEF, leading equitation scientists cut through the niceties and delivered what might be the bluntest line heard in a federation boardroom since someone accidentally served non-organic carrots at the Riders’ Welfare Lunch:
3 min read


The "Welfare-First" Competitions No One Wants to Enter
Equestrian sport is finally putting welfare first ! Well, in theory. Several federations have introduced strict new “welfare-first”...
2 min read


The Great Battle Between Horses and Fly Masks: Protection or Fashion Faux Pas?
Fly masks: the unsung heroes of the equestrian world—or the sartorial disasters of the century? If you’ve ever tried to put one on a...
2 min read


Scientists Unveil Genetically Engineered ‘Blue Tongue Horse’ to End Dressage Controversy
In a move that has the global horse world whinnying with both awe and suspicion, researchers from the University of Equestrian Tongues, in partnership with the Equine Innovation Tongue Lab, have announced the birth of a new, genetically engineered breed: the Equus caeruleus — more commonly known as the Blue Tongue Horse.
2 min read


“THIN AS A STICK!”: HOBBY HORSE WELFARE UNDER FIRE
Weighing in at an average of 1 kilogram, these “athletes” are apparently being neglected, overworked, and wildly underfed
3 min read


GEF Launches Ground breaking Plan to Keep Horses Clean (Even When They're Just Minding Their Own Business in a Field)
In a proud moment for horse kind and clipboard-wielding officials everywhere, the Global Equestrian Federation (GEF) has announced its...
2 min read


Brenda's Grooming Box Odyssey
I was told by my editor, “Go check out someone’s grooming box, Brenda. Just see what’s in there and report about it.”
2 min read


Muck, Manure & Mysterious Disappearances: The Price of Speaking Up on Horse Welfare
Enter the brave, outspoken welfare experts, whose only crime is caring too much.
2 min read


Welfare-Washing Gone Wild: SE-WAT Promises Change (But Not Too Much, Don’t Worry)
In yet another dazzling display of strategic fence-sitting, the Global Equestrian Federation (GEF) has unveiled SE-WAT – Strategic...
2 min read


Bloody Spurs and Bloody Sponsors: Showjumpers Caught Between Rules and Rage
The Global Equestrian Federation (GEF) is once again stuck between a rock and a hard place—or, in this case, between a sharp rowel and a...
2 min read


Outrage in the Horse World: Horse Welfare Demands a Seat at the Table
After years of being politely ignored, horse welfare has finally been invited to the equestrian discussion table.
2 min read


New Study Proves: Tight Nosebands Actually Improve Rider Safety—By Eliminating All Signs of Equine Free Will
(Brussels, Belgium) — A ground-breaking new study has confirmed what top riders have always suspected: tight nosebands are not about...
3 min read
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